The Curious Case of the Overzelous Luggage

I arrived in Iowa City yesterday afternoon to start my 10-week writing residency at the University of Iowa.

Russell met me at Cedar Rapids airport with a tiny bit of paper with the International Writing Program logo on it.

Then I lost my suitcase.

I had a feeling that that might happen when I had dropped it off at the weird check-in system in LaGuardia. So I was partially not surprised when it didn’t show up on the conveyor belt, but still slightly annoyed.

Russel and I went up to the counter as I anxiously waited my turn.

As it were, and oddly enough, I was told by the lady at the counter that – get this – my suitcase had arrived on an EARLIER flight! I realized then where it all went wrong.

See, my flight from New York to Chicago, where I caught my connection flight, was HALF AN HOUR early. It arrived at O’Hare around 30 minutes before scheduled time, so my luggage just kept on going as I wanted for my flight at O’Hare.

This was probably the only time in the history of my flying that A) a flight was half an hour EARLY, B) my luggage arrived at my destination BEFORE me.

American are good like that. The get shit done before they even happen.

The Last of the Angry Wild Beasts

It’s amazing what ten years can do to a man.

It changes him. Changes him beyond recognition.

I look back at the man I was ten years ago and I hardly find any resemblance, any similarities. Who was that person? Who is this person that I am today?

I was filled with restrained, suppressed anger. It felt like a fire burning in the pit of a volcano’s stomach, awaiting eruption.

I could be the most calm, quite, nicest person one minute. And a switch would flip and I’d become this scary, destructive agent of anger.

Mind you, I never hurt anyone physically with my anger bursts. Only emotionally. Which I realize now that it could be worse than the physical damage.

I’d punched walls, kicked in doors, smashed windows, broken things. The only bone I ever broke in my body was when I throw my fist at the wall. I was in pain for days but I never said anything, didn’t even realize I’d broken a finger under I finally caved in and went for a check up at the hospital.

Another time, more recently, I’d smashed my hand against a table so hard that it left a wide gash open. I sat down fuming, with my hand trembling, until my terrified mother noticed the red liquid dripping out of my hand and into the carpet.

My dad took me to the hospital that day. And I could sense the pain and concern in his voice. “It’s not worth it, son,” he kept pleading, “Nothing is worth a drop of your blood. Nothing.”

I wanted to calm him and tell him it’ll be all right. I kept whispering sorry, but I don’t think he heard me.

My hand needed four stitches. When the doctor asked me what happened, I hesitated and came up with a lame lie about an incident with a door. It was very clear that he didn’t buy it, but played along regardless.

But in all my fists of rage and anger, I never once laid a finger on anyone. I never even had the urge to hurt anyone. It’s because I now realize that I was always ever angry at myself, for failing myself, for not being in control of the situation. And it’s that feeling that drives me to doing things that hurt me instead.

What did that teach me? Where did all that go?

In comparison, I now feel tamed. Like a wild beast that’s been broken by a beast master for his final circus act. The burning fire reduced to nothing more than a fading flame. Was that what drove me? Passion? Fire? With it gone, am I not the same person?

On the other hand, with the anger gone I can sometimes see things more clearly. In a sense, I am now more confident, more aware, of myself. I am now okay with not having control over everything. I am now okay with letting things go. Often, it feels as if a part of me has died inside. But now, for better or worse, I can simply dismiss such a feeling and move on.

Maturity? Is that what you would call it? Perhaps. You can see it as defeat, or victory. As hope, or despair. I no longer care. It no longer matters.

I have the scars of anger to prove that it had been part of who I was.

Once you accept that you cannot control everything. The people you love, and who love you. Your future. Your day. If your boss likes you or not. Or if you have the right job to begin with. If you accept that those are things that do not define you as a person, you’ll come to the conclusion that everything you thought was a fundamental part of who you were, is truly not. That every rule you’ve imposed on yourself, you yourself can break.

I will drink what I want.

I will smoke what I want.

I will sleep with whomever I desire.

I will pray for whatever god I believe in.

I will beome a good man.

The right man. 

The last man.

The only man.

And if the day returns wherein I find myself corners and out of control, my repressed anger about to unleash itself upon the world around me, I will close my eyes, open my arms, and fall into my own peaceful abyss.

Zombie Love

Here's a  little poem about love and zombies...


ZOMBIE LOVE
by Ali Al Saeed

The living keep dying
Shame they keep rising
From the graves we dug
With our own falling teeth

Why can't they stay dead
A little while longer
So we can make promises we can't keep

The good keep going bad
Shame they've turned sweet
Before they were bitter
Too late to taste the difference

The hearts stop beating
Long before the bodies start rotting
A kiss is all it takes
To become infected with rage

It may leave your body intact but
Love is the most grotesque form of cannibalism

Digital Literature: eBooks Launched

Been meaning to get more involved with eBooks and digital publishing for a while. So I finally decided to take the plunge and release a couple of titles online.

My short story, "Fragile Beings", is now published exclusively online and can be downloaded, get this, for FREE! Yup, how about that. Just follow the link, click download and enjoy a quick read.

Here's a blurb for it:

"In a future world where a mysterious disease transforms humans into another species, one woman tries to come to terms with the loss of her husband."

Interesting? Go read to find out...




Almost 3 years after its original release, you guys can now download my poetry book, "Sad Man Dancing" in digital format here. It's available for $2.50 only (that's less than 1 dinar for you, Bahrain folks)!

It Wasn't What It Was

It wasn’t your infectious giggle that made me fall in love with you

I swear

It was that awful quiche we had to share at Coco’s

It wasn’t the fact that your skin glowed when you blushed

I swear it wasn’t

It was the smell of coffee we had together huddled in the back of Caribou

On a cold November night

I swear

It wasn’t the way you looked at me

Or how you sent shivers through me with your touch

Or how made my heart burst with every beat

No. It was the way you explained the French menu to me

The Ingredients of History

Can we truly believe in history?

I have come to the conclusion, recently, that we shouldn’t. Let’s think about this for a moment. What is history? The first definition you are likely to find on history, is this: history is a narrative of events; a story.

Looking under the definition of a story; this is what you will find: a story is a recital of an event, or a series or events. More amusingly though, it lists such a story as being either a) an account, b) anecdote, or c) a lie.

Thus, in effect, we more or less admit to history having a fictitious aspect to it. Unlike with science, history cannot truly “prove” anything. It’s up for interpretation and it is, more often than not, nothing more than the perspective of whoever was the storyteller at the time. The only thing it can prove is the storyteller’s own agenda, his own precedence.

Yes, the main events cannot be disputed, or questioned, as some can actually be backed by some sort of scientific proof. But mostly, the history of humanity has been written, or controlled, by those who were in power, those with influence.

History is not written by those who were defeated. It is written by those who have won. Won wars, won battles, won political struggles. It’s an affirmation of their superiority, be it directly or indirectly.

Whichever way we look at it, whichever angle we decide to take on history, if there is one fact to it, it’s that it has been dictated by violence, something that as human beings we have always been drawn to. Of course, there are other accounts, other versions of history, written by the “other side”, but that’s often been disputed, refuted or marginalized.

We believe blindly in history because we seek a form of consolation, to justify where we are today, and how we have reached there, regardless of its validity. We are prepared to take history as it’s been told, and not as it had occurred. Partially because we love a good tale. Dramatic retellings of past events are far more appealing then, say, scientifically proven past facts, if any existed.

With all the technology and science that man has mastered, the chances of proving history once and for all is as far fetched and unrealistic as some of the most outrageously creative science-fiction novels. It’s all up in the air. We take things for face-value because we don’t have another choice, or that if there was one, it was too inconvenient to obtain

History is up there for whoever wants to claim it, like stars and galaxies far, far away. We know that they are there, we know that they affect us, one way or the other, even if we don’t comprehend it, but we cannot, for the life of us, find them tangible. Perhaps there is some comfort in the thought.

We can keep making our own histories, but that doesn’t mean that it had truly happened.

Yours

Arabs Online: Between Fact & Fiction

For years I had grown concerned about the impact the infamous Arabic online forums has on forming public opinion. When many internet-users across the globe used this tool to create, innovate, engage and discover, we Arabs took it upon ourselves to turn it into one giant puddle of misinformation and abuse.

The forums are considered by many to be the only reliable source of information and news, which is remarkably ironic since it rarely ever basis it’s content within the realms of reality and fact. So much so, that it had managed to turn many myths into indisputable facts, be it in terms of political issues, religion, history or science.

One of the reasons behind this is the lack of serious investment in the Arab world – and the Gulf region specifically – in online content and the extent of the strict regulations and censorship imposed by the authoritarian bodies. By restricting the possibilities of creating serious, independent online sources, we have created a vortex that had to be filled one way or the other.

These forums had one characteristic in common, they had hardly any moderation and had high tolerance – if not even promote – hatred, racism and sectarianism. Users hiding behind their anonymity, with their colorful names and avatars, felt unchained and free to abuse such a platform to attack, demean and undermine anyone who opposed their own views.

As the Arab Spring finally hit our shores, we have witnessed that same abhorrent attitude transfer from the forums to other social media outlets that have become widely available to everyone.

In Bahrain in particular, Twitter users shot up by 82% over the past few months, a staggering statistic, considering the small population compared to other Arab countries that have witnessed similar unrest.

Many of these users took the same approach they had in their forums and applied them on these outlets, which have become synonymous with strong political and citizens journalism movements.

Trolling is nothing new in cyberspace. But we Arabs took it to the next level. In addition to bullying, we added the small matter of fabricating news, events and falsifying evidence, as well as prosecuting people for their views, opinions, accusing folks of high treason and advocating violence against them. And that’s not all of it.

We need to relook out relationship with the Internet in this part of the world and really calculate how its use (or abuse) can have a significant lasting impact on our lives.

I have always been shocked by the gullibility of some Internet users, who take anything they see on the Internet, and namely those infamous forums, for face value. I’ve heard people believing things they read online that are written as a hoax or a joke!

But now we’ve seen it all. Thanks to Arabs, the “Internets” will never be the same again.

And neither will we.

Another Random Moment

I'm tracing a vivid memory as I stare out into the flickering dark waters.

The breeze laps at my neck and I suddenly feel a great void within me, as if I had misplaced something precious to me and I cannot seem to recall where I had last seen it.

The memory lingers, and then transforms into another.

I've been feeling misguided by my wanton for a familiar touch. For a whole month, my heart pumped liquid pain through my veins instead of blood.

A Song For A Generation

If there is one song that captures the feeling, aspirations and fears of a generation of young, moderate Bahraini, it is the haunting and bittersweet “Rebellion” by Bahraini folk singer/songwriter Ala Ghawas.

As we live in extraordinary times and witness an era that has ravaged our humanity, our peace and our nation, the words that resonate with us are that which we hear so achingly sung by Ala in this song.The song is originally a very personal one to Ala. It is perhaps his most personal of all his songs. It tells of his heartbreak at losing a dear part of him, a close friend, to cultural and social prejudices.

Let’s take a closer look at the lyrics of “Rebellion”, which starts with:

Father, I’m running through the fire

I don’t want to belong, I just need a place to admire

Which makes me think of how our Bahrain, the one we were all used to, before the recent tragic events that unfolded. It’s a cry for help, for someone to hear us, help us. It evokes an image of our country on fire, us running through trying to find salvation, our search for not a place to belong, but to embrace.

My friends are gone, one by one

To the fighting, they just can’t live without it

How many of us have lost friends because of what happened? Either because of our strong difference of opinions, or due to fear, or even a friend in one of those who had lost their lives?

And yet in spite of this bloodshed, we continue to fight each other. We continue to distance ourselves, as if fighting has become the only thing we know how to do, even though it was never in us before.

You know I’ve never lost the faith within

If God is with us, then who’s with them?

In the second line of this verse, we find perhaps one of the strongest statements ever put to song. “If God is with us, then who’s with them?” we all claim that god is with us and are sometimes blinded by faith so much that we forget the very basics of what makes us human.

Towards the end of the song, Ala spells out his guts, bears his soul out to us, and in those next few words, paints a picture of how perception, ideas and conflict can either break us or make us stronger.

I don’t wear the black

I don’t close my eyes and ears

To prove piety

I don’t grow my beard

I don’t preach slaughter

I don’t raise a sword for the lord

To show loyalty

And that’s what I see

What’s wrong with unity?

Indeed, what’s wrong with unity? If there is one thing we desperately need today it’s abandoning our own prejudices, religious phobias and piousness, and to remember why we were all here to begin with.